Queer Heart’s Desire and irL Word Make Courting Fun Again
Written by Daphne Bryant
All images courtesy of @flashedbyaleeza
Digital algorithms are killing modern dating. Despite their promise of effortless connection, most people get so tired—or bored—of the apps that they give up altogether and settle for ghosting, dry small talk and/or scrolling until their thumbs go numb. But never fear my darlings! Perhaps the love of your life isn’t on Bumble. Maybe they’re just at the Queer Heart’s Desire x irL Word event.
On August 28th, The Virgil Bar in Los Angeles was packed to the brim with hot, stylish queers: buzzcuts, stick-and poke tattoos, tiny mini-skirts, I’m talking the whole spectrum. While I am always excited to be at a queer event, the energy that night was absolutely electric. I immediately walked in and saw my friend Nico, who turned around and cheerily enthused:“ Of course you’d be here!”
My massive crew and I looked damn good (we pre-gamed by playing dress up in my other friend Liya’s closet), and we were ready to dance the night away and steal a few kisses <3 Which, by the way, brings me back to my opening statement: digital algorithms are killing modern dating. If you’re over all the mindless swiping, you’d totally love Queer Heart’s Desire, a note passing, flirting, cruising and dating event, as well as irL Word, a sapphic queer party. Both contemporary queer communities are known for their fun live match-making full of intentionality, and last Friday night they teamed up for a legendary collaboration! The event directly addressed the anxiety that comes with navigating ambiguous non-verbal cues, and the implicit risk of uncomfortable boundary crossing. Upon arrival, attendees were equipped with numbered identifier tags alongside color-coded wristbands that visually communicated relationship status and personal intentions. So, whether or not you were looking for your next lover or new platonic connections, there was sure to be someone for you. This simple icebreaker establishes a shared baseline of consent and clarity that is often missing from your everyday event.
Once you have your numbers and wristbands, you automatically become part of Queer Heart’s Desire's signature note-delivery system. Here’s how it works: attendees write physical notes to fellow guests and hand them to roaming event facilitators with wings, AKA very sexy q-pids. These q-pids deliver messages using everyone’s assigned tag numbers, which makes for some very low-stakes (and almost nostalgic ) flirting. By prioritizing handwritten notes, the experience strips away the superficiality of modern messaging and shields participants from instant verbal rejection. The dance floor turns into an environment of shared play rather than one of performative pressure.
“By prioritizing handwritten notes, the experience strips away the superficiality of modern messaging and shields participants from instant verbal rejection. The dance floor turns into an environment of shared play rather than one of performative pressure.”
I went to my first Queer Heart’s Desire event in February, where I received my first ever note—an honor, truly! Even though I wasn’t interested in my admirer (nor was I bold enough to send any of my own notes), it was still such a fun experience. I drank yummy drinks, met and chatted with so many people, and took the cutest photos with my BFFs. Somehow, this most recent Queer Heart’s Desire event managed to be even better! My friends and I arrived just in time for DJ JACKI’s set, which rocked as usual. We all had so much fun dancing on stage behind the DJ booth, singing at the top of our lungs, being silly and kissing strangers. I think the night peaked when JACKI unleashed this epic mix of Justin Bieber’s“ Baby.” Seriously, nightlife has never been more tantalizing!
If you needed a break from dancing, at any point you could head to the bar and get a drink, snap some photos in the photobooth, shop featured vendor Dyke Queen Clothing (highly recommend) or try your luck at the real-life board of missed connections and personal ads. No bullshit: this was one of the most fun nights out I’ve had in a long, long time.
These days, screen-bound interactions only have so much appeal. We simply cannot lose the magic of eye contact across a crowded room, the frantic thrill of waiting for a winged Cupid to hand you a note, the uninhibited joy of losing yourself in the music. Safe to say Queer Heart’s Desire and irL Word didn’t just throw a party; they built a sanctuary for flirting and real-life camaraderie. Put down your phone and get ready for the next event! It’s going to be a good one ;)
“We simply cannot lose the magic of eye contact across a crowded room, the frantic thrill of waiting for a winged Cupid to hand you a note, the uninhibited joy of losing yourself in the music.”
