Combating Post-Grad Doom with Childhood Media

Written by Gianna Di Cristo

There was a girl I knew, who always wanted to

Be the one to stand out from the crowd

Always believed that she was gonna live her dreams

That what went down was gonna come around

It was Mother’s Day 2024 when I walked across Agganis Arena’s stage and officially graduated college after five long years. COVID, transferring schools, taking a semester off, balancing a part time job to feed myself—the balancing act was finally over. Now, the mission was (and still remains) to find a career in the publishing world. After hitting APPLY about twelve dozen times, thoughts of worthlessness started to creep in. I have as much experience as I could personally get in college, some professional work to my name, and the eagerness to show up to any writing or writing adjacent job that will pay me. At this point, I’ll take any 9-5 in any field. A job shouldn’t define your worth, but I was raised with the notion that“ your first husband will be a degree,” and said degree  would lead to a career I enjoy, which leads to money and happiness. I had done what I was told in order to achieve a“ normal” adult life, but that has yet to come to fruition. 

For all the doubters, non-believers

The cynical that once were dreamers

One of these days you’ll open up your eyes

And you’ll realize…

Everyone’s a cynic because everything sucks. There is so much fucked up shit going on, and it’s woven into our algorithms via niche social discourse. On top of the 24 hour news, seeing people post about getting their dream job while I’m making lattes and folding clothes was an automatic trigger. It doesn’t help that I was doomscrolling for hours on end every day. Social media started to shape my outlook on life more than it should. Before bed each night, I’d have one of two thoughts:“ Holy shit, the world is fucked anyways, so maybe I should stop stressing and just coast,” or“ When will it be my turn? When will I be successful?”

“Social media started to shape my outlook on life more than it should. Before bed each night, I’d have one of two thoughts: ‘Holy shit, the world is fucked anyways, so maybe I should stop stressing and just coast,’ or ‘When will it be my turn? When will I be successful?’

A few weeks ago I got a free iPad. It came with my new phone plan, the one I got after being kicked off my parent’s bill. I decided to indulge myself and downloaded Angry Birds. I haven’t played this game since I had an iPod Touch—which was 15 years ago. As I’m trying to knock down these little green pigs,“ Play My Music” by The Jonas Brothers (and yes, from the Camp Rock soundtrack) randomly pops in my head. I queue it up, and vocals and lyrics that I haven’t heard in years immediately come back to mind. Previously,  immersing myself in nostalgic media nauseated me,  as I am well aware that life will never be the way it was back then. Not just because I was a kid with no responsibilities, but because of how much the world has changed, and what we were promised adulthood would be like. At this moment, however, all I could think about was hearing those fuzzy AM radio waves, Radio Disney on my big clunky stereo in my childhood bedroom, me and my sister jumping on our beds with the windows open and the sun shining in. This time around, nostalgia felt like a warm blanket over my heart.

As I was listening to songs like“ Drama Queen (That Girl)” from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, 

That girl was a wild child dreamer but she’ll find herself

‘Cause she believes in nothing else

And you’ll look back and you won’t believe

That girl was me

“ Determinate” from Lemonade Mouth,

Hate to feel this way and waste a day

I gotta get myself on stage

I shouldn’t wait or be afraid

The chips will fall where they may

And“ Halfway There” by Big Time Rush,

How you ever gonna reach the stars

If you never get off the ground?

And you’ll always be where you are

If you let life knock you down

I realized these messages are things we’ve been taught our entire life, but they are very, very easily forgotten as adults. The recurring themes that you could be whoever you want to be in life, that fear is inevitable but should not be succumbed to, failure is a part of the journey, and that things will work out as they are meant to, are all things I feel like I logically know but occasionally may not believe in or feel connected to. There’s not a lot to hold me back from pursuing what I want beyond job applications, so why should I let it define me? I should write and publish my work even when I’m nervous about the attention (or lack thereof) it may receive. I have to start somewhere, and for some reason, hearing that echoed through Nickelodeon synths and sparkly melodies of Disney Channel popstars was enough to change my perspective. Thinking about it through the scope of talking to my younger self has helped. I wouldn’t want little Gianna to be so nihilistic, so why should 25-year-old me think that way? The world is still mine to explore. My life is still ahead of me. I got time to make something shake, and so do you. 

“I wouldn’t want little Gianna to be so nihilistic, so why should 25-year-old me think that way?”