yes i took a gap year and no i didn’t find myself (but maybe i did?)
Written by Olivia Fawcett
Image courtesy of @_pizzabacon
I’m sure some of you know someone who has taken a gap year and found themselves on the white sand beaches of Bali or some other tropical location, on beaches of which the locals no longer have access to. This person will tell you their third eye opened and they realised money isn’t the answer and that they simply don’t care for it anymore. For some people, travelling may have opened their third eye and for that my two eyes are envious. Maybe you yourself did a gap year. Maybe you did find yourself and feel at peace for the first time. As much as I mock people like this, I don’t hate them, as travelling does the opposite of fostering hatred; it brings us into other’s worlds and that kind of magic can only be a beautiful thing. However, is infiltrating these places with western yoga, whitewashing, alcohol and ginger shots, then announcing you’ve found yourself all that great? Not even giving proper credit to a culture you now feel entitled to a part of? That just doesn’t sit right with me.
Finding yourself is all you hear at 18. Everything seems to point to this self that’s supposedly hidden somewhere out of sight. When you’ve searched through your hometown and found it empty, you start to wonder if some foreign place carries the answers to finding her.
“Finding yourself is all you hear at 18. Everything seems to point to this self that’s supposedly hidden somewhere out of sight. When you’ve searched through your hometown and found it empty, you start to wonder if some foreign place carries the answers to finding her.”
You hear tales of people finding this‘ self’ between the borders of faraway places that sound so mystical, even their names hold possibility. People whisper them barely audible, as if they are secrets, answers, clues. Maybe this is where your self lies? But I think the real secret is that we think about ourselves too much. Maybe it’s not a secret, just something we don’t want to talk about. This pondering of identity and quest to harness our lost selves in new places is in of itself a privilege. We use said privilege as an excuse to congratulate and applaud each other on our ability to parade through people’s towns, barter for a mango and save 20p so the vendor only takes half of that home to her family. We take pictures of locals labouring in the fields and say we’ve lived that life. Somehow people‘ find’ themselves from observing others like animals in a zoo.
I also recognise my privilege in all this; despite working for years to save up to travel, I’m privileged to be able to do so. To earn enough to do more than just survive, to not be tied to responsibilities at home, to have a body that can carry me across borders. Still, I like to think that I took my opportunity to see faraway places with humility, with the knowledge that I carry my privilege with me and the beauty of these sights and cultures is not my right to witness but an honour. Most importantly, I don’t treat these towns and cities as thieves of some lost part of me. These places aren’t harbouring my lost‘ self’; they don’t exist to be the answer to my identity crisis. They always have and they still do, exist without me, and without you. You didn’t find yourself, you just had an extended holiday—what you are feeling is peace.
“These places aren’t harbouring my lost ‘self’; they don’t exist to be the answer to my identity crisis. They always have and they still do, exist without me, and without you. You didn’t find yourself, you just had an extended holiday—what you are feeling is peace.”
A few weeks into my trip, I started to create again. It started slowly in a messy, almost bored way, as if unfolding from nothing. Until everyday I was sketching, or sewing beads into pages or writing poems or collecting shells. And then I realised what I’d truly found: my inspiration! My creativity, and it was practically pouring out of me! I couldn’t stop creating.
I don’t think it was necessarily travelling itself that inspired me, but what I did have was the blessing of time. Free time. Travelling gave me the space to experience that. Maybe it was the beautiful lagoons and mountain views and love between communities and kindness from strangers that inspired something human and passionate in me. Perhaps this beauty is partly the reason for my inspiration. Really though, I think the main source is freedom. For the first time in my life, I escaped the manacles of school and the working world, and it’s not a coincidence that that’s when I connected with my creativity again. I didn’t realise the potential we can reach when our only obligation is to exist.
So many of us don’t get to experience the power we have because of the world we live in. The creativity that can be unearthed and childlike inspiration that didn’t actually go away with age is lost beneath many of our burdens.
I’m not really sure what I want the point of this piece to be. It partly feels like I’m taunting my newfound creativity and freedom, waving it above your heads, but that’s not at all what I want to do. I’m just so excited by this feeling that I want to share it with as many people as possible, as this feeling is power.
Here are eight ways I try to maintain this feeling now that I’ve returned to my 9-5. (😫)
Delete social media. I’ve narrowed down the source of my creativity to free time. So what is something that takes all our time but gives us nothing in return except for even less space to think and feel? Social media!!
Create for the sake of creating. Whatever you make doesn’t have to be good. The expectation and need for our work to be good all of the time often hinders us. So, create as if no one will ever see it.
Meditate!!! It is the holy grail for a peaceful mind. To be able to observe your thoughts and let them pass through will lead to mental peace. From nothingness, true, flowing creativity will follow.
Be outside. This one is probably self-explanatory but if you go outside, your nervous system will be regulated, stress levels will reduce, and you’ll be able to ground yourself in nature. All of this will undoubtedly lead to craftyness✨
Look at horizons. Although this is a simple one it will definitely provide you with a small bout of creativity. It’s been scientifically proven that gazing at horizons leads to inspiring emotions and feelings.
Treat creativity as a habit. Not a skill to master, but something that you consistently practice. Soon your brain will turn to creation instead of quick dopamine for relieving stress. At the same time, don’t force it: there were some weeks when I didn’t do anything, but I didn’t punish myself as I was still working on my habit.
Consume food for thought. I’m going to read and read and take in as much as I can. Thank you Substack!
Set time aside to be. This is so important. Don’t think of it as time to create, but time to exist as we so often forget to do. Time can almost always be found, so give yourself 20 minutes, or an hour, as much time as you can find, and just sit. If creativity comes, then seize it and create! But if nothing comes, then take that as a sign to do nothing. If inspiration was meant to strike then it would; just trust fate and let her guide you.
We exist in an orchestrated epidemic of mental stagnation, and creativity is our way out. If you take anything from this, it is to go create. You don’t need to book a trip and be a thousand miles away. You just need to make time to sit and do nothing. To allow creativity to ebb and flow; if you feel it pushing gently to raise its head, then welcome it with open arms and soak up all of the beautiful inspiration. But if nothing comes you must accept this too, as the tide can’t deliver shells to your toes without retreating from the shoreline first. It’s these moments you set aside to experience nothingness that will allow creativity to unfurl.
I’m so sure that I found mine from peace, and you will too.
