The Everchanging Princess fantasy
Written by Madeline Rosenberg
I never wanted to be a princess when I grew up.
There are countless photos of me in sparkly dresses and tiaras, dressed up as either Cinderella or a fairy princess for halloween, and even enjoying my princess-themed birthday party where my mom prepared a cake topped with ice cream cones coated in edible glitter. Even though my mother purposefully avoided forcing me into traditional girliness, going as far as to designing my nursery to be gender-neutral, I always had a desire for ruffles, frills, and of course, pink. But I never actually wanted to be a princess.
Looking back today, I can see why the fantasy wasn’t entirely appealing to me. All the princesses I knew were either girl-bossed into the sun, or naive and incomplete. Both of these led to a tiny Madeline feeling like she couldn’t“ have it all”, not if she was a princess. While I did love the princess“ aesthetic”, a lot of the media that I actually enjoyed as a kid centered around STEM, learning, and exploration. I, like many girls, was fully capable of loving both Fancy Nancy and Syd the Science Kid at the same time.
Many parents didn’t necessarily agree. If I remember correctly, back then there were many adults trying to turn little girls away from the“ princess fantasy”. Why be a princess when you could be a CEO contributing to capitalism? Princesses are eternally painted as damsels in distress, even today. Think of princess treatment, passenger princess, daddy’s little princess, and even pillow princesses. Each of these examples set the expectations that the“ princess” is just kind of there, and has zero autonomy to make full decisions for herself.
“Think of princess treatment, passenger princess, daddy’s little princess, and even pillow princesses. Each of these examples set the expectations that the “princess” is just kind of there, and has zero autonomy to make full decisions for herself.”
Princesses are stripped of power within the hierarchical systems they’re born or married into. Princesses are merely deemed the daughters or wives of actually important men, rather than women who have access to the power their positions were built to maintain. Women in monarchies only need to be powerful enough to protect themselves and their virtue, but not enough to have a genuine, positive impact on the society they belong to. Even the fairytales that recognize this showcase the princesses escaping their roles, rather than growing into them. And even when the princess does learn to use her position to help lead and improve society, the storyline includes becoming queen or some other higher authority figure. The role of“ princess” is always used as either a stepping stone or a role to escape from.
“The role of “princess” is always used as either a stepping stone or a role to escape from.”
Even though there are some serious flaws with the way princesses have been and currently are being represented, I think princesses can still be great role models for little girls and boys and everyone in between. The truth is that power affects the lives of every person, and princesses can teach children how to navigate different forces or systems of power in ways that feel more accurate to who they are. Princesses in movies and books accessed their power through negotiation, connection, and kindness. Many people during the #girlboss era saw this as a weakness. Children are told“ that’s not how the real world works”, but is that really the right message to be sending? What if instead we encouraged children to treat their subjects with kindness, practice their leadership skills by helping take care of their kingdom, appreciate nature and the world around them by singing to and caring for birds and bunnies? Princesses don’t have to be powerless, but they also don’t have to wield their power in the same way men are subjected to. After all, princesses are protagonists. They aren’t treated the same as mothers or witches, serving only as characters meant to push men’s plots forward. They represent the larger picture and the fantasies women are fully capable of living.
“Princesses don’t have to be powerless, but they also don’t have to wield their power in the same way men are subjected to.”
Even though I didn’t want to be a princess back then, I find the fantasy much more appealing now. It’s 2026, whimsy is trending, and the girlies are dying to get a taste of Lorde’s eroticism. Neoliberalism feels like a crushing weight and women are dying to escape, and why not escape somewhere that promises security, freedom, and beauty? Whilst the traditional princess isn’t as satisfying, the archetype can be easily molded into something that fits today’s“ modern woman.” Just like how I used to love Fancy Nancy and Syd the Science Kid, I can now love the erotic fantasy of becoming a princess whilst being critically engaged with the state of society today. Escapism doesn’t need to be equated to willful ignorance or disempowerment. Instead, it can serve us as a vision for the life we want to build using the one we are already living.
“Just like how I used to love Fancy Nancy and Syd the Science Kid, I can now love the erotic fantasy of becoming a princess whilst being critically engaged with the state of society today.”
So here are just a few ways that I will be taking care of my kingdom this summer, because I’m sure many of us (like me) are in major need of some maintenance!
Continuing to be aware and engaged with the happenings of not just my own kingdom, but the neighboring realms that may be experiencing problems of their own. (Just because something isn’t affecting our land, doesn’t mean it isn’t plaguing another!)
Getting out of my castle more! There are dragons that need be slayed, and rotting in my bed is definitely NOT going to help.
Going on frequent side quests in order to help boost the morale of my subjects!
Braking for small animals. Who knows, maybe we could share a duet afterwards.
Always making sure to say“ please” and“ thank you.”
Leaving room for magic in my everyday life (AKA always making a wish at 11:11).
Standing up for myself and all of the lovely critters that inhabit my kingdom.
Getting my hands dirty, whether that means starting a small garden or volunteering in my local community.
Voting! (While the traditional princess fantasy does technically revolve around a monarchy, there will be NO KINGS in the country I dwell in.)
