Confront That Casual Label
Written by Daphne Bryant
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
As a certified lover girl who likes to fantasize about travel (ASAP) and marriage (later down the line) with my partners, I’ve spent most of my life staying far away from anyone who wants to“ go with the flow”, be“ friends with benefits” or“ fuck around and see what happens.” I guess I just know myself. I know that even when I’m not ready for a relationship, I like to act out the role of a doting girlfriend and I like to receive such devotedness in return. It’s genuinely fun for me to go on magical dates, hold hands in public places, and pour verbal and physical affection onto the people I like. Even if I know that something is a little off, historically, I’ve been the type to pursue a situationship or relationship anyway. The thought of repressing my feelings and keeping things casual just never sat right with me; I would rather risk my pride and seek out something serious.
Over the past couple of months, however, my mindset around dating has shifted (and in more ways than one). Most prominently, I have decided that approaching things with a sort of casualness isn’t so bad. The change admittedly stems from being cheated on, which I took as a sign to stop prematurely jumping into committed, romantic relationships.
In the past I’ve done a year of celibacy (would 100% recommend it if you’ve never done one), but for most of 2026 I’ve explored new connections without the pressure of a label hanging over me. In other words, I’ve become one of those people who go with the flow.
“for most of 2026 I’ve explored new connections without the pressure of a label hanging over me. In other words, I’ve become one of those people who go with the flow.”
Now it doesn’t matter whether or not someone is genuinely interested in me, or if they can see themselves having kids with me. I’m not on the hunt for a wife or husband, I’m not desperate to get cuffed, and I have no desire to actually chase any of my obsessive crushes. I just want to have fun and enjoy myself! From overly-invested Hey Mamas types to very strange theatre kids, my 2026 track record has produced a myriad of subpar suitors—all different, none quite right, but god what a good time. As an adult I’ve dated mostly queer women and gender-nonconforming folks. A good chunk of the people in my life are lesbians, and that worldview has really shaped my artistic practice and social environment; hence why I haven’t had a boyfriend since 2021 (exactly five years ago, if you can believe it).This year however, because I’ve been more open in general, I’m also more open to dating men—casually, of course.
Now, according to Reddit (lol), a casual relationship is a relaxed, non-exclusive romantic or physical connection without the commitments of a traditional relationship—such as emotional dependency or long-term plans (like moving in). The main focus of the relationship is enjoyment, companionship, and intimacy, but individuals remain“ free agents”, and I feel like that definition is pretty accurate and universal. On a base level, I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with casual situations. They’re fun! And, sometimes us lover girls are too quick to fall in deep, so much so that we ignore clear red flags and are blind to things we should really be paying lots more attention to. When things are casual, we have more time and space to really get to know someone, without the pressure of becoming their“ one and only”, with the freedom to call them out when they don’t measure up, and to dip if it’s not what we’re looking for.
And yet, studies show that Gen Z’s fear of commitment is actually hurting our chances for romance. Dr. Jean Twenge, psychologist and author of iGen points to the increased reliance on smartphones and social media. Digital interaction offers a safer, controlled environment, but it shields us from the vulnerability inherent in traditional romance.
Dr. Helen Fisher, anthropologist and Chief Scientific Advisor at Match.com, highlights financial instability as another possible deterrent. Faced with debt and uncertain job markets, Gen Z individuals supposedly prioritize financial and personal stability before venturing into relationships. Fisher calls this the“ slow love” trend, where careful planning precedes commitment, but really I think (at least for cishet men) some of this hesitance simply stems from insecurity. The few guys I have talked to this year have opened up about not being able to provide for their lovers the way they’d like to. One guy told me he mooched off a girlfriend for at least a year—she would drive them around and pay for meals, and he hated it (and hated himself for being in a less fortunate position). While, as TLC said,“ I don’t want no scrub”, I also think men like that are too caught up in age-old gender roles, unable to reinvent the wheel and find their own kind of happily ever after.
Why is this generation cockblocking ourselves? Why are we so scared of real yearning, of messy and imperfect love? Perhaps Gen Z’s cautious approach will yield stronger, more intentional relationships, but also: perhaps not. Perhaps we have gotten too used to the casual label, to all of these made-up terms like“ situationship” and “ talking stage”, imaginary limbos that tie our hands behind our backs and stunt our emotional availability.
“Why is this generation cockblocking ourselves? Why are we so scared of real yearning, of messy and imperfect love? Perhaps Gen Z’s cautious approach will yield stronger, more intentional relationships, but also: perhaps not.”
I mean, don’t you also want a love story like Carl and Aniya’s? Don’t you want to live in a fairytale, be courted, prove that chivalry isn’t dead? What is really so bad about risking it all!? I implore those of you in confusing, undefined situationships to confront that casual label.
