A Friendship Longer Than Seven Years Will Last a Lifetime: Interviewing My Best Friend, Kendall Dorsey

Written by Erin Norton

Certain sociological studies show that two people who maintain a friendship for at least seven years likely have a bond will last a lifetime. Kendall and I have been friends since we were eight years old, a whopping 13 years! And no one would be surprised if I were to say she’s my best friend. Even through college, when we attended colleges two states over from each other, she stayed on top as my favorite person to talk to, gossip with, and hang out with.

Kendall Dorsey was born in Seattle, WA and lived in NYC as a child. During her adolescence, her family moved to Southern Vermont where we would go on to meet in third grade. She is a highly educated young adult who holds a degree in Art History, and loves to read and do yoga in her spare time. You can find her thesis on JSTOR (because she really is just that good).

Today, I want to reminisce on our relationship, while also breaking down stereotypes about female friendships. <3

Do you remember how we met? 

E: I realized that I don’t even think I remember?

K: I think we must have met in third grade, right? Because that was when I moved to Vermont. I don’t remember if we were in the same class or just in the same grade? I mean, how do people that young even meet?

E: That’s so true, I mean we did Odyssey of the Mind together.

K: Oh! I completely forgot about that! Former gifted kids!

E: Did we have any other common activities?

K: I don’t think so because we went to different middle schools. The time you start picking up extracurriculars, it’s usually in middle school. Middle school sports, middle school…I don’t know, decathlon?

E: Imagine. But you know what, in elementary school I feel like we were also grouped together in terms of reading, because we both had really high reading levels.

K: I think we both probably still do have really high reading levels.

Why do you think we became friends?

E: Because of our higher reading levels…

K: I’m not 100% percent sure. I don’t know if there was one quality, hobby, or persuasion that we both possessed. I think when you’re that young—

E: You just want to get anyone you can. Kidding, kidding.

K: But yeah! You want to hang out with anyone on the playground, which is sweet.

E: That really is sweet.

K: It’s fun to know that we were friends before we even liked each other.

Have we ever argued?

K: I can’t remember, I don’t think so?

E: But you did say—

K: I did say that I have disapproved of your actions before. But I’ve tried not to bring it up in a judgemental way, because you are one of the least judgemental people I’ve ever met.

E: Thank you!

K: And hopefully will ever meet.

E: I’ve never felt judged by you.

K: That’s very, very sweet because I think people do consider me to be a judgemental person, so it’s good to know that it’s not a totalizing, prevailing assessment of my character. That means a lot, thank you so much.

E: Being judgemental is normal, I think it’s just how you handle it. You handle it with elegance.

K: Everyone does judge, I think that’s a good thing to keep in mind.

Do you have a favorite memory of our friendship?

K: Do you remember prom night, when we were seniors in high school—

E: Oh my god, I was hoping you would bring this up.

K: You were with your boyfriend at the time and I didn’t want to have my picture taken with everyone else, so I went off and you followed me. Then we had Shirley Temples at the hotel bar. That was the most fun I ever had the entire night. That was not a great night for me.

E: It was not a great night for me either. We both hated prom.

K: But I do have a memory that I can look back on and treasure.

“ You’re truly lucky to have one good friend.” True or False?

K: I think you are pretty lucky. I think that a really good friend that you have rapport with, that you can have fun with, that you can trust to be honest with you, that you can be honest with, is a really special thing. I feel like you don’t meet too many friends like that in your lifetime. I would consider a friend like that, a wonderful stroke of luck.

E: This is so true. There’s something beautiful about finding someone in your life that just gets you and you don’t have to overly explain yourself. Hanging out with them just feels normal and complete.

K: You’re right, that is a really special thing. Glad we’re in agreement on that one.

Why do you think women are portrayed as having more tumultuous friendships? Do you think this idea is rooted in reality or fiction?

K: I think one reason why women are portrayed as having more tumultuous relationships is because women, especially young women, go through a lot of common experiences that are maybe less common among men. I’m thinking of things that the women in my life have struggled with. Just to throw a couple out: disordered eating, complicated relationships with sex, romance, and all that. It’s hard to be a young person everyday. It kind of feels like the world is ending. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t! I think having those struggles in common makes women more open, but sometimes it makes things more complicated. I also think that women are taught to view each other as competition. Something I did want to bring up was that I was horrendously jealous of Erin in high school. It really did seem like she had everything figured out.

E: What the fuck?!

K: It seemed like you had everything figured out! You were so bubbly and blonde. Everybody completely adored you and thought you were this wonderful cool person. I just felt like a total crabapple all the time. I was like: if I could just figure out what she has, I would be so much happier and then everyone would like me. So it was an admiring jealousy, but it was still a jealousy.

E: (I was speechless).

K: Is this too big of a revelation for your interview?

E: This is an insane lore drop because I definitely felt a similar way about you too. Admiration and jealousy. I always thought you were so beautiful and so intelligent in a way I could never imagine myself. I wish I had your composure.

K: Aw, thank you! I don’t think anyone has ever complimented my composure before. That’s very kind of you to say. I think growing up being friends with someone like you, being friends with all the wonderful women in my life, those are yardsticks you can compare yourself against. It’s not even that they’ve done anything wrong. It’s not that they’re trying to stoke this competitiveness. Even today, as a very mature twenty-two year old, sometimes when I meet someone cool and think: ugh, she’s so annoying I can’t stand her, but she’s wonderful and I’m in the wrong.

E: “ Girl, so confusing.”

K: I don’t want to feel like that, and I hate it when I find myself feeling like that.

E: It’s so normal.

K: Even though it is normal, I do try to take responsibility. I would never want to let those feelings get in the way of being supportive or being a good friend. Which is why I think this idea, to circle back to your question, it’s rooted in reality. But I don’t think that’s something we should just accept. It’s important to find solidarity in this kind of friction, instead of letting it be this divisive force.

E: Wow, you ate that up.

K: Thank you, it feels like I’m in discussion section again, this feels like college.

Do you think that friendships with guys are“ lower maintenance” and/or“ more chill” than female friendships?

K: I’m going to have to give an unfortunate yes. I’m going to provide an anecdote—

E: Because they are dumb.

K: No!

E: Sorry.

K: I was talking to my boyfriend the other day. I was asking him what one of our mutual friends did for his internship over the summer. He was like: oh, I don’t know. They see each other more than once a week! They hang out so often, and somehow this has never come up, which is so funny. I feel like with you, I know when you’re going to get your period, I know what’s pissing you off, I know what song you’ve been listening to, and I probably know what you’re going to order for dinner tonight.

E: That is so accurate.

K: I can’t imagine not knowing what’s going on in my female friends' lives.

E: Exactly! Like, I can’t even imagine men talking about the last time they masturbated.

K: Erin, you have to be mindful of my digital footprint here.

E: I said it, not you!

K: I mean I did laugh at that, I did think that was funny.

Does our friendship pass the Bechdel Test?

E: I’m gonna say no, because I think I’m such a misandrist, and then the Bechdel Test backfires, you know?

K: I think our friendship does pass the Bechdel Test! Out of the things we find ourselves talking about on a daily basis, I feel like men are pretty low down on the list.

E: Yes, I really do agree with this.

K: It’s something to be mindful of for the future!

Do we know the secret to long lasting friendship?

K: Something I did want to bring up was this idea that—I don’t even know where this comes from, maybe popular wisdom—a friendship that lasts longer than seven years will last a lifetime. One of the reasons I love being friends with you is because our time in high school and adolescence was so crazy. I feel like we’re the custodians of this shared history that’s just kept growing and growing the longer we’ve been friends. I love talking to you everyday. I love hearing what you have to say. I love spending time with you. Partly because it’s so fun just to have somebody to bond with in the moment, but also because it feels like we’re just going to grow in a way that I could never imagine myself walking away from or putting down.

E: I completely agree with that. It feels like a garden in a sense. It’s so rewarding to have this friendship because it feels like an investment.

K: It is like a garden, you’re right.

E: I also just can’t imagine knowing someone for so long and then suddenly not knowing them anymore. I agree with what you’re saying. I love being friends with you because of your intelligence and because of your funniness and personality. The idea of not having that in my life is literally terrifying.

K: Right back‘ atcha, buddy.

Rank these friendships:

Julia and Eliza from Binchtopia

All of the Pretty Little Liars

Carrie and Miranda

K: Carrie and Miranda are definitely coming in at number one. Sometimes I don’t envy what they have because they do get into it a lot. But I feel like they’re so honest with each other, I can’t help but admire them. Julia and Eliza remind me of us, so I might have to put them at a tentative number two.

E: This is fair, we can’t be too egotistical.

K: I haven’t seen Pretty Little Liars, but there are so many seasons of that show, they must get into a lot of complicated friend situations. But it seems like they really knew how to keep each other’s secrets, which is a really important thing in a friendship.