Masc Lesbians Are Friends Not Food
Written by Leah (Bunny) Overstreet
All images courtesy of Anna Daetwiler for Chapstick Magazine
The Masc Shortage is a sapphic lament (primarily made by the chronically online) that claims masculine lesbians are in short supply. They’ve gone missing or are hiding somewhere or have been hunted into extinction like so many other endangered species. The limited resource that is the masc lesbian is highly coveted and precious, and apparently must be hoarded lest you never find another in the wild. And if this actually were true, I wouldn’t shame the internet-wide panic, but alas, the IRL dykes have called bullshit on this one.
A lot of us seem to be on the same page that people who are crying“ masc shortage” must have a limited idea of what a masc even is. They must be thinking of fluffy haired, waifish, white darlings of the #wlw internet. They must be excluding fat butches, studs, and other mascs that exist outside of this“ soft,” “ girlypop” masc aesthetic from their headcounts. Every comment section I’ve encountered knows these other demographics to exist in abundance and are shocked that this is even up for debate.
Now, this bit of internet discourse has largely died down and has mainly been reduced to a punchline setting up Taimi ads and thirst traps with the tagline“ masc shortage where?” followed by the sultry flexing of forearm muscles and clenched jawlines. But every once in a while it pops back up on my FYP, haunting my gay internet timeline like the dyke poltergeist.
Something that has recently dawned on me this past Pride month— as I am outside and, more often than not, surrounded by hoards of masc lesbians (many of whom are my friends)— is that maybe some of these masc-shortage truthers exclusively encounter mascs in a sexual/romantic context. Let’s be real, the masc-shortage debate is really about the number of available mascs— as in mascs that you can actually fuck or fall in love with. Mascs with girlfriends, mascs who already found someone to make out with for the night, and mascs that aren’t interested don’t seem to count. And I get it: we ALL would love a sexy masc gf of our own, so I understand the exasperation. But to imply that mascs who aren’t available to you sexually aren’t present and impactful parts of the queer social scene feels sort of reductive. And it’s a goddam shame yet not at all surprising considering how tangled sapphic social and sexual dynamics are. Theoretically speaking, in Lesboland, every dyke you meet has a relatively equal chance of being friend, fuck, or foe (sometimes all of the above). However, especially with masc4femme being one of the more commonly assumed pairings, it’s difficult for a fem to even look at a masc without it automatically being perceived as romantic interest.
“to imply that mascs who aren’t available to you sexually aren’t present and impactful parts of the queer social scene feels sort of reductive.”
Even with an abundance of lesboy friends around me, I sometimes find myself giving and receiving a slightly chilly shoulder with certain mascs when we first meet. I’ve sometimes instinctually reeled in my usual friendliness so I didn’t accidentally give someone the wrong idea, and this likely limited the chance for friendship. I must admit that maybe the reason that some of my friends are even my friends in the first place is because we were initially attracted to each other before quickly pivoting to friendship when the vibes weren’t there. It’s interesting how dyke social life is inextricably linked to our mating rituals, how many friendships first bloomed over dating app DM or a smoke break flirtation. In the same vein it feels at times that our access to each other is stifled by the anxieties of attraction. Fine shyt (masc, fem, or otherwise) can be intimidating to approach and if we’re too chicken shit to even talk to each other, how will we ever find out that we could grow to be good friends. I wouldn’t be surprised if some masc-shortage defenders have found themselves trapped in the crush-zone at times by their own hand and thus unable to truly connect with their preferred counterparts even just as friends. And I don’t mean ~friends~ with the occasional benefits, I mean friend friends.
I personally don’t kiss my friends. There are plenty of opportunities where I probably could have or maybe would have yet I always saw the future flash before my eyes That’s-So-Raven style, and it wasn’t pretty. Part of this is probably a symptom of my Leo Venus, but unless I can see something grand on the horizon (whether a fling to remember or true head-over-heels love), I can do without the smooch. As a result I have a lot of“ strictly just buds” friendships with some of the most eligible mascs of Brooklyn. There is nothing quite like the way my masc friends’ eyes light up when I introduce them to each other. They become instant pals, following in the legacy of sticky-fingered children, instantly bonded by a shared way of moving through the world. So — shocker— masc lesbians are friends with each other and a happy coincidence of hanging out with them is that they might introduce you to more masc lesbians (but only if you’re pure of heart)!
On the topic of being pure of heart, something worth noting is that many masc lesbians exist somewhere along the trans masc spectrum and a lack of them in your life may be indicative of something far more sinister than just a lack of bitches. Everyone who this conversation is relevant to is gay but I truly believe that not all of us are culturally queer. By this I mean living a life that is inextricable from queerness, one that is politically aligned with queer values and that is centering queer people and experiences. And if you live in an area with a limited amount of queer people to begin with then I’m obviously not talking to you, but if you live in a major city like New York or LA and you don’t know anyone who is gender-nonconforming or trans… girl. Given the life that I live, trans and nonbinary people are just sort of a given, and when their presence is lacking it is noticeable and unnatural to me. This masc shortage discourse really makes me wonder what kinds of spaces someone would have to be frequenting in order to not encounter such an integral part of our community. I wonder if some of the girls lamenting a lack of sexy masc dating prospects have trans and gendernonconforming lesbians in their midst like...at all? At least in my experience, the culturally queer can’t go too far without encountering someone at least a little gender-fucky.
“At least in my experience, the culturally queer can’t go too far without encountering someone at least a little gender-fucky.”
Local gender-fucky masc and good friend of mine, Ky, weighs in on the subject of gay girls with no genderqueer peers:“ Why would trans people want to be around that kind of person?”
The dating pool certainly is dire: everyone is either wildly age inappropriate, taken, in their fuckboy era, fucking your friends, fucking their friends, not over their ex, about to move, looking for a third, or just straight up evil. But I don’t think we can really claim that masc lesbians are not running rampant, at least not where I live in God’s gift to gay people— Bushwick. I say this gently but sometimes it’s worth considering if you’re the problem. If masc lesbians are the kinds of people you want to kiss on the lips, perhaps consider if you’re the kind of person that makes them feel comfortable and valued even when you can’t sleep with them.
“If masc lesbians are the kinds of people you want to kiss on the lips, perhaps consider if you’re the kind of person that makes them feel comfortable and valued even when you can’t sleep with them.”
And even if I stopped being a lesbian pick me, take the masc shortage debate at face value and ignore all of the eyebrow-raising implications of such a lewk-warm take… all of my masc friends are very sexy and very single, so my point stands.
